Pickyreads

Pickyreads

Change Your Questions, Change your Life Summary – February 2022

Author: Marilee Adams

Short Summary
Change Your Questions, Change Your Life (2005) teaches us how our thinking ability controls our life. It’s up to us that we learn from the questions that come to our mind or judge others or ourselves. Moreover, the author has shared those 12 helpful questions that can change your thinking pattern.
change your questions change your life
Source: amazon.com

Detailed Summary

The book Change your Questions, Change your life guide us on how we can change our thinking pattern by changing the questions we ask ourselves. In this way, we can change our reactions to situations. The type of question that comes to our mind has the power to teach us something or force us to judge.

There are questions from which we learn a lot of things but there are some questions that force us to judge ourselves or others. When we judge ourselves, we start blaming ourselves and such questions make us feel like a loser. Like why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so irresponsible? Etc. On the other, there are questions that force us to judge others.

So, the author says that we can control our thinking patterns. And for this, the author has shared some questions which can help us to change our thinking patterns by incorporating them into our daily lives.

The book Change your Questions, Change your life gives us useful lessons. Some of them are:

Change Your Questions, Change your Life Key Points

We can control our reactions

Every waking instant of our days is filled with thoughts that spill over into our dreams. As recovering judges, our first opportunity for change comes when we watch and acknowledge the nature of our thinking.

There are some questions that force us to judge ourselves like

“What am I responsible for?” “Why did I do that?”

And then there are questions that force us to judge others like

 “Why are they so stupid?” “Why are they staring at me?” etc.

So instead of these questions, if we change the questions like “What should I do now?” or “How can I fix this?” our life will become easier and, in this way, we can learn a lot of things instead of judging ourselves or other.

So, this teaches us a lesson that we always make a choice to learn something from our reactions or start judging. We should always try to learn from our thinking patterns and transform any situation into a positive one.

Change questions to change the situation

According to the author, switching questions allows you to consider other possibilities, such as What does she require? How else am I supposed to think about her? You can switch to learner mode when your observer wakes you up and turn the topic around for both of you.

Consider yourself seated at a long, rectangular conference table, awaiting the start of a meeting. The woman to your right has been spouting off comments about your child’s primary school, which her children previously attended, for 10 minutes. You put up with her gripes about the teachers, the lunch program, and the new math curriculum for a while. She even has an opinion on the janitor’s floor mopping technique. Questions like, “How did I get sat here?” run through your mind. Who does she believe she is?

If you think about it, you’re asking yourself judger questions about someone who is judgmental. Now you can also reverse the situation. Ask yourself questions like, “What assumptions am I making?” and “What assumptions am I making?” and how can I be more objective and honest?

Useful 12 questions guide by the author

Consider the following questions from different angles when you’re frustrated, stuck, or want something to change. You and We can take the place of I.

Moreover, the author says that you don’t have to ask these questions in any particular order, and not every question is appropriate for every circumstance. The idea is to incorporate learner questions into your regular thought processes.

  1. What do I want?
  2. What are my choices?
  3. Which assumptions am I making?
  4. What am I responsible for?
  5. How else can I think about this?
  6. What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?
  7. Is there something I am missing or avoiding?
  8. What can I learn from this person/situation/mistake/failure, or success?
  9. Which action steps make the most sense?
  10. What questions should I ask?
  11. How can I turn this into a win-win?
  12. What’s possible?

Who would I recommend Change Your Questions, Change your Life Book to?

The book Change your Questions, Change your life is recommended to all those who want to live a life of curiosity. Moreover, pessimists who destroy their mental peace by thinking about negative situations should read this book. This will help them to change their thinking pattern.

Link: https://amzn.to/3yXZ59T