Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Summary

Author: Dr. Sue Johnson

Short Summary
Hold me Tight (2008) is a book by Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist. In this book, she has guided couples on how they can build a relationship that can last a lifetime. Moreover, she has emphasized examining the root cause of arguments or fights and trying to change it in order to build a healthy relationship.
hold me tight: seven conversations for a lifetime of love
Source: amazon.com

Detailed Summary

The book Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is written by researcher and clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson. The author has given useful relationship advice by sharing the stories of some of her clients who came for the therapy sessions.

As we all are aware of the fact that relationships are not easy. In every relationship, partners fight or argue with each other. Some quit, and some try hard to keep the relationship. Even if it is hanging by a thread, there is still hope that both partners will stay together.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, and the researcher believe there is. With her incredibly effective Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, she’s helped a lot of couples reconnect (EFT). She now wants to show you how it can also benefit your relationship.

Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Summary Key Points

When was the last time you argued with your partner? Was the fault yours? Do you think arguing solves the root cause of the problem?

Fighting with your partner only weakens your relationship. Read this book to build a strong relationship with your partner.

Stop playing the blame game

“In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us.”
― Sue Johnson

According to the author, blame kills the relationship. No one wants to be blamed. When you start playing blame games in a relationship, it badly affects the bond between two people.

It could start with anything as simple as a quarrel about small domestic chores. When an argument devolves into a yelling match, you know there’s a problem.

Here the author has shared the story of her clients. Pam and Jim had one therapy session with the author, which demonstrates how this happens in real life. Jim laughed and turned away when Pam tried to compliment him and provide further encouragement. Pam became enraged and began blaming Jim for their problems.

Emotional vulnerability can defeat the fight

“When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness…”
― Sue Johnson

Everyone has a past: good or bad. Each of us has emotional baggage from a traumatic event in our past. When people press the right buttons, it triggers memories of the traumatic event, and we move into fight or flight mode. This is exactly what happens when your significant other erupt over the smallest of thing

When the author watched her spouse getting sleepy while they were conversing, she recognized this in herself. After becoming enraged with him, she realized that this small detail reminded her of a previous partner who would fall asleep in the middle of critical conversations.

Understanding is the secret weapon

“Love is the best survival mechanism there is,”
― Sue Johnson

Understanding, on the other hand, is your secret weapon. It might also come from both sides. You must look for the events that frustrate you at these times on your own. You can open up emotionally to your lover once you can see them clearly.

This provides them with a level of understanding that they previously had, making it much easier for them to look after you.

Focus on the root cause

Life’s obstacles, on the other hand, can often get in the way and make it tough to connect properly with one another. When we are burdened by illness, mental illness, or the death of a loved one, it affects our relationships.

Claire and Peter were examples of this from the author’s EFT practice. Everything was fine until Claire was diagnosed with hepatitis. She became enraged with Peter, blaming him for not looking after her and concentrating too much on his business. But when she pleaded for assistance, Peter became irritated. Claire wasn’t the only one bearing a burden; Peter was working on a major project at work.

Recognize the wedge between you and your partner and strive to reconnect to get out of these circumstances. To do so, consider when and how things began to go wrong. “What started this fight?” you might wonder.

Examining the source of their problems with each other allowed Claire and Peter to see clearly enough to apologize, stop stonewalling and becoming furious, and resolve to break these poor patterns.

To whom would I recommend Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Summary?

The book Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is highly recommended to a young couple who is struggling to keep their relationship strong. The book will guide them on how they can build a healthy connection.

Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Summary - February 2022

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