Author: Brené Brown
|I Thought It Was Just Me (2007) gives us a reminder that nobody is perfect and we should make our imperfections our power. Moreover, the book helps us to understand that our imperfections and vulnerabilities are not our weaknesses but a way to explore shame.|
The book by Brene Brown raises awareness about the power of vulnerability and how we can explore shame with honesty and vulnerability. The author says that shame hinders our confidence. If we want to change our lives, we first learn to overcome shame. This is what the book teaches us.
Moreover, the book has especially motivated the women to free themselves from emotional debilitation. The author has addressed the issue that women feel powerless and are often caught in shame. The book guides the readers on how we can overcome our fears and be okay with ourselves. Be real and accept yourself.
I Thought It Was Just Me Key Points
Understand and become aware of shame
The book teaches us that you can’t deal with anything unless you first acknowledge its presence. So, in order to overcome shame, we first need to understand what shame is. Shame presents itself in a variety of ways, including redness and trembling, difficulty swallowing, and even more acute symptoms like the inability to get out of bed. To be able to overcome shame, you must first understand what causes it, regardless of how it manifests itself. Now is the time to emphasize the fact that there are no universal sources of shame. Everyone associates the sensation with his or her own terrible past experiences.
Because the exact traits of shame are difficult to articulate, it’s no surprise that most individuals are unaware of its origins. However, we can be certain that at its root, shame is associated with the emotion or belief that one is not good enough. In the majority of cases, shame occurs when people seek compassion but instead receive the exact opposite: rejection.
Moreover, Shame is generally associated with other people, such as when we seek sympathy by exposing one of our vulnerabilities but are instead rejected. However, you may be the source of your lack of empathy. Knowing that none of us is immune to shame leads us to the conclusion that the most important thing is to learn how to manage it rather than trying to prevent it.
How to react to shame
The other thing that we need to understand is how we react to shame and according to the author, by practicing critical awareness, we can react better to shame. The idea of defining what shame means to you isn’t to have some pre-programmed term to spit out on a game show. It’s primarily a little step toward assisting you in recognizing when you’re ashamed. The key to altering your reaction to a circumstance is to see yourself from the outside at any given time.
This is what the author refers to as critical awareness. When she spotted her audience falling asleep during a session she delivered, she explained that she knew they only had a short lunch break and that the promised pizza was most people’s main reason for coming in the first place. As a result, she avoided going into shame mode and maintained her composure. You can observe why and how things happen as they happen if you have critical awareness. Before shame takes control and freezes your thinking.
Besides this, when we are ashamed or hurt, we tend to lock ourselves off from the outside world. That is incorrect because the connection with others is necessary for the healing of shame. Self-esteem is the polar opposite of shame. Most people believe that having a successful work or a wonderful body is necessary for having strong self-esteem, but this is not the case.
Anger and shame are connected
This is easy to understand as when we are hurt, we frequently become angry with the ones who have hurt us. Or when we’re embarrassed, anger is a tempting and easy way out. Blaming others feels good in the moment, and it gives the impression of regaining control by taking action, but we all know how that ends: you regret your outburst, realize it was your fault all along, and you wind up feeling much worse.
However, Brené does not condemn anger. She claims it’s a helpful emotion, but only when it’s being used to mask another. There’s a reason for this widespread reaction. People tend to point fingers when they don’t want to face their feelings, hence anger and shame are linked. This is, at its root, a technique for people to reclaim control over their “weak” feelings by demonstrating strength.
We will become more alienated if we allow ourselves to become caught in a perpetual avoidance of our genuine feelings. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and seek the empathy you need to heal, rather than becoming a victim of these destructive behaviors.
Who would I recommend the I Thought It Was Just Me book to?
The book I Thought It Was Just Me is recommended to those who underestimate their skills and their life revolves around what people think and say. The book will help them to accept themselves. Moreover, the people who have no control over their anger and should react to everything by getting angry need to give this book a read.