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Just listen: Discover The Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone Summary – March 2022

Author: Mark Goulston

Short Summary
Just Listen (2009) is a book by Mark Goulston. This book is a guideline to becoming a better listener, how to motivate them, and how your brain works and teaches you how to get your message across to someone else by using some persuasion and listening strategies.
just listen: discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone
Source: amazon.com

Detailed Summary

When talking to someone, it’s difficult to get them to listen to us. We can’t make people listen, but we can make them want to listen. How do we do that? The best way to get someone to listen is by being interested in them. Think about it: have you ever been to a party where you felt like everyone was really into you? How did you feel? People who are interested in us, who care about us, who want us to succeed – they listen to us with full attention because they feel like they are being heard.

Negativity is the opposite of interest. When someone is talking, and we disagree with what they’re saying or dislike their opinion, we start drifting away from listening. It’s not intentional, but it’s our natural tendency.

By using the techniques in Just listen: discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone by Mark Goulston you can get your message across just by understanding how to listen better to others.

Just listen: Discover The Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone Key Points

Listen first and respond second for the progress with someone

Sometimes, there are situations in life that are difficult to cope with. At times like these, an easy way to relieve stress is by sharing our burdens with someone who can listen. The problem, however, is that most of us have had the experience of telling someone about our problems and then jumping in before we’ve even finished the first sentence. In response, we immediately put up barriers and closed down. As a result, expressing ourselves becomes more and more difficult.

When we listen first and respond second, we allow ourselves to feel what’s happening at the moment. When we feel deeply, we begin to release the symptoms of resistance, giving us room to take inspired action. Listening before speaking is one of the 7 habits of highly effective people. Listening at first gives the space to others to think about it, and to fight with irrational feelings if needed.

The author gave an example of a man who was about to give up his life by shooting himself but when the police team arrived, the police officer tried to calm him down and told him another option than giving up. The officer listened to his feelings and then the man calmed down and thought about not giving up his life and considering other options.

Our reasoning layer of the brain must be active for listening

Have you ever felt like arguing with yourself for no reason? Like your consciousness was divided into different “yous”? Well, your brain is divided into three different parts or layers, and they all encounter and respond to the world differently. Understanding the structure of your brain and how each layer processes information can help you make sense of all the voices battling it out inside your head.

Whatever decision you’re trying to make, be it what outfit to wear, where to eat lunch, or what career path you should pursue, your brain is going through three distinct stages: emotional first, rational second, and intuitive third. The first two stages of decision-making loop together in a continuous feedback loop called “priming”. Priming starts with the emotional stage where you immediately react to what you see or feel. If this reaction is positive, the brain will instantly re-align itself to focus on the positive. Sometimes, this layer starts reacting in which we freeze up and can’t act at all.

The third and last stage is the reasoning layer which collects and analyses the data from the previous two layers to make the next logical decision. These different thinking layers influence how to react to the world and your conversation partners. The important thing to remember from this lesson is to know that the other person we talk to uses the rational or reasoning layer.

Show your vulnerable side, others will listen to you

We talk about a big game, but it’s hard to let your guard down. It’s easy to forget that vulnerability is a powerful tool for communication. I’d argue it is more powerful than anger. Being vulnerable is about being transparent and sharing parts of yourself that you are not always comfortable sharing. It’s about leveling the playing field, so the other person can see you as a human and not just someone who is attacking them.

We are all vulnerable. This can be a very difficult thing to admit, but we need to accept that this is true. That is because when we don’t feel like we are getting anywhere, we start to feel angry. And when that happens, we do something with that anger that is not always the best thing. We hurt others, we sit back and say nothing, we hide behind a wall of pride. The problem is that when you hide behind a wall of pride, you deny anyone the chance to see who you are. When you deny others that chance, they have no reason to listen to you.

Vulnerability is more powerful than anger — try to show some vulnerability when you are in a tough situation. Vulnerability is a good thing — it makes people feel like they can relate to you. But you also should not take your vulnerability too far.

Just listen: Discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone quotes

“Perpetually needy people suck the life out of you because no matter what you do for them, it’s never enough.”

Mark Goulston

“Understanding a person’s hunger and responding to it is one of the most potent tools you’ll ever discover for getting through to anyone you meet in business or your personal life.”

Mark Goulston

Just listen: Discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone’s reviews:

Overall, this book is a good read. There are some most useful and helpful techniques and strategies to use in our formal or informal conversations. It also explains the know-how to develop emotional intelligence. Appreciated Mark Goulston’s ideas and tone. He used many examples from the business world. But, this book is not for an everyday person because it is a guidebook, not a simple self-help book.

To whom I would recommend Just listen: Discover the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone summary?

  • A salesman wants to improve his communication skills and get more success in his field.
  • Parents who are going through a hard time getting through their children.
  • Anyone wants to develop persuasion skills.

Link: https://amzn.to/3JcClaM