Author: Lori Gottlieb
|Maybe You Should Talk to Someone (2019) is a memoir that narrates the author’s experience of post-breakup mental trauma something that readers can relate with. It depicts her journey as she tries to connect and find the underlying issues after her long-term relationship came crashing down. The book explores the fact that trauma is often deeply rooted in loris’s therapy and the therapy she conducts on four of her patients.|
Who would you turn to when you are going through a mental crisis? Perhaps that “someone” will be a friend or a therapist. But what happens if you are the therapist going through that mental crisis? Maybe You Should Talk to Someone summary will take you on a psychotherapist’s journey as a therapist and as a patient.
Gottlieb had thought to settle down with her boyfriend and congratulations were in order when he ended it. As she goes to therapy to get rid of this heart-wrenching pain, she realizes that her suffering is not only due to the recent breakup. Instead, her trauma has other deep-rooted causes.
In the book, she discusses how suffering has no ranks. If it hurts you, it hurts you. Accept it. You do not need to negate your feelings. Accept them so that you can understand the reasons you are feeling a certain way. Being afraid only delays the process of your healing.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Summary Key Points
People Are Usually Ignorant Towards the Real Reasons They Are in Pain
The author presents the case study of John a scriptwriter who has a couple of problems. He thinks everyone at his workplace is an idiot, has trouble sleeping, and fights with his wife often. The problem appears to be quite clear but as Gottlieb makes him open up, she realizes that the guy is deeply traumatized since childhood. His mother was run over by a car when he was only six years old and later in his life, he lost his child. These incidents had made him insomniac and frustrated.
Most of us Form a Whole Opinion about the Problem at Hand Instead of Digging Deeper
When we are mentally scared our first response is to seek external validation for our pain instead of looking inside and questioning why that thing is bothering us so much. So, by constructing a narrative we tend to run away from self-questioning and abandon exploration of our inner self. If someone supports our narrative of He is bad, she is bad, they all are bad we avoid our painful emotions and their causes.
Fear: The Most Powerful Emotion
Gottlieb discovers in her therapy that her pain was a product of multiple fears. These fears were festering inside her for ages. The fear of death, the fear of leading a life without her boyfriend, the fear of losing a shot at happiness by not getting married, and the fear of being alone. This fear did not surround her after her breakup but it was present somewhere inside her already. She had first encountered it when she was diagnosed with a long-term illness. As a defense mechanism, she suppressed it but as soon as her boyfriend left all of these fears again rose to the surface. Just as the author many of us tend to run away from our fears. What we need to do is to sit with our feelings of fear. Ask ourselves why we are afraid of that particular thing. If what we fear becomes reality what is the worst that can happen and how we can cope with that situation.
Let Therapy Provide a New Meaning to Your Life
Often, we feel lost because we do not know where we are heading in our life. What do we want to achieve and what does having meaning in life looks like to us. When we sit in therapy it should be the aim for both the therapist and the patient to figure out what is that the patient wants out of his life? What steps can he consider taking to add meaning to his life and develop a sense of direction?
Take Back the Reins of Your Life
One of the keys to your recovery is realizing that only you have control over yourself and your emotions. The people who hurt you do not control you. You can bring yourself out of the pain that was caused by them. You control your emotions. Instead of self-sabotaging yourself months after the incident take your control back. Change is inevitable but if you realize that you are in power you can create something good out of it. Change the situation for the better. Don’t be your jailer when you can break out of jail.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Quotes
“But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.”
“We tend to think that the future happens later, but we’re creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists.”
“Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Use them as your map. Don’t be afraid of the truth.”
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Review
With the effective storytelling techniques Maybe You Should Talk to Someone reads like fiction but is nonfiction that serves as an account of the author’s experience as a mental health therapist as well as a patient. This helps her audience to relate to her experience even more closely. It destigmatizes therapy while discussing love, betrayal, fear, and heartbreak.
To whom I Would Recommend Maybe You Should Talk to Someone Summary
- To every teenager who is scared of the stigma associated with therapy.
- The woman in her twenties struggling to find her identity after a heartbreak.
- The woman in her forty’s having a mid-life crisis.
- Anyone who has just started their journey toward healing.