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No-Drama Discipline Summary – January 2022

Author: Daniel J. Siegal, Tina Bryson

Short Summary
No-Drama Discipline (2014) is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist’s guide to parenting based on neuroscience. The book highlights the importance of understanding their child and has criticized punishments and lectures.
no drama discipline
Source: amazon.com

Detailed Summary

The book No-Drama Discipline is written by two authors: Daniel J. Siegel who is a psychiatrist and Tina Bryson who is a psychotherapist specializing in child psychotherapy. Tina Bryson is a social worker as well. Both of the authors come together and wrote a book on parenting and related it with neuroscience.

The book guides the readers on the dos and don’ts of parenting. How important it is to understand their child and deal with them with love and care. Never misunderstand discipline with drama I.e lectures and punishment.

No-Drama Discipline Key Points

Patience and Understanding

Although parenting is such a hard task. Many difficult decisions parents have to make for their children in order to raise them as better human beings. But the book No-drama Discipline teaches us that it can be done with patience and understanding. Every child is different from another, all we need to do is understand their brain and deal them with love.

Discipline does not mean punishing your child

The very first thing that the parents need to understand about parenting is to separate discipline from punishment. Punishing your child for their behaviour should never be the rule of parents. If a child misbehaves, always try to figure out the origin of this behaviour. Why they behave like this? Or What made them behave like this?

When you get the answers to these questions, you can better understand your child. And then connect with them.

Build a healthy and loving connection with your child

Parents need to take out time for their children. Build a bond with them or sometimes be their friend so that they can share things with you. Moreover, when you will connect with your child, you will be able to correct them for misbehaving and your child will try to correct their behaviour.

Here the authors relate neuroscience with it that a child’s brain is developing and it has the ability to think what we feed. We can nurture them.

Moreover, the authors say that everybody has a downstairs and upstairs brain. The downstairs brain is that part which is responsible for digestion and breathing. Whereas the upstairs brain has the tendency to feel. Typically, responsible for emotions. And this part of the brain is developing. It has the capability to change and evolve.

That is why teaching your child can nurture their mind and correct their behaviour instead of punishing them for their misbehaviour.

Engage upstairs brain

For making this all more understandable, the authors have given an example:

If you are at a grocery store with your child. You are checking out and your child sees a sucker at the checkout stand. She starts insisting to get one and you say “No”. But the toddler goes on the floor of the grocery store, starts to scream and everybody start watching her. At that time, you are thinking whether you should teach her a lesson by ignoring what she is demanding or else buy her a sucker so that she stops crying.

Here you need to use the “connect and redirect” method. You should connect with your child and understand their feelings. Calm them down and engage their upstairs brain which has the capability to feel emotions.

Refrain from giving lectures

It is common that when a child misbehaves, parents either scold them or give them lectures to correct their behaviour. But this should not be the way to correct a child’s behaviour. Kids will never understand this way. Kids only understand the language of love.

So, if parents start understanding their feelings and build a strong bond with them, it will help in making their child a better human.  Refrain from giving them lectures and start finding answers to “whys” for their behaviour.

Moreover, the No-Drama Discipline book gives us parenting advice that using positive connotations in a conversation with their child makes a lot of difference. Be positive and encourage them. Your child learns from you. The way you treat them, they will treat others in the same way. So, always treat them with love and care.

Stop using sentences like “Brush your teeth now, or I won’t read you any books,”. Replace them with “if you don’t brush your teeth soon, we won’t have time to read any books before bed.” In this way, the child will be motivated to brush his teeth and will feel encouraged.

Similarly, if your daughter is spending more time in co-curricular activities instead of doing her homework. Try to ask her why is she giving more time and importance to co-curricular activities than homework and the tasks assigned by the teacher. Try not to give lectures to her that how important it is to get good grades because children don’t like to get lectured, they like to be understood.

Who would I recommend the No-Drama Discipline summary to?

No-Drama Discipline is recommended to all strict parents who think that their kids will be well-behaved only by punishing them or lecturing them. Moreover, all the parents-to-be needs to read this for a better parenting guide.