|No-Drama Discipline (2014) is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist’s guide to parenting based on neuroscience. The book highlights the importance of understanding their child and criticizes punishments and lectures.|
The book No-Drama Discipline is written by two authors: Daniel J. Siegel, who is a psychiatrist, and Tina Bryson, who is a psychotherapist specializing in child psychotherapy. Tina Bryson is a social worker as well. Both of the authors came together and wrote a book on parenting and related it to neuroscience.
The book guides the readers on the dos and don’ts of parenting. How important it is to understand their child and deal with them with love and care. Never misunderstand discipline with drama, i.e., lectures and punishment.
No-Drama Discipline Key Points
The main crux of the book No-Drama Discipline is that it helps you teach and treat your children while making them feel love and warmth.
Patience and Understanding
Although parenting is such a hard task. Parents must make many difficult decisions for their children to raise them as better human beings. But the book No-drama Discipline teaches us that it can be done with patience and understanding. Every child is different from another; all we need to do is understand their brain and deal with them with love.
Discipline does not mean punishing your child
The very first thing that parents need to understand about parenting is to separate discipline from punishment. Punishing your child for their behavior should never be the rule of parents. If a child misbehaves, always try to figure out the origin of this behavior. Why do they behave like this? Or What made them behave like this?
You can better understand your child when you get the answers to these questions. And then connect with them.
“The absence of limits and boundaries is actually quite stressful, and stressed kids are more reactive.”
― Daniel J. Siegel
Build a healthy and loving connection with your child
Parents need to take time out for their children. Build a bond with them or sometimes be their friend so that they can share things with you. Moreover, when you will connect with your child, you will be able to correct them for misbehaving, and your child will try to correct their behavior.
Here the authors relate neuroscience with it, that a child’s brain is developing and can think about what we feed. We can nurture them.
Moreover, the authors say that everybody has a downstairs and upstairs brain. The downstairs brain is the part that is responsible for digestion and breathing. Whereas the upstairs brain has the tendency to feel. Typically, responsible for emotions. And this part of the brain is developing. It has the capability to change and evolve.
That is why teaching your child can nurture their mind and correct their behavior instead of punishing them for their misbehavior.
“Children need to understand the way the world works: what’s permissible and what’s not.”
― Daniel J. Siegel
Engage upstairs brain
To make this all more understandable, the authors have given an example:
If you are at a grocery store with your child. You are checking out, and your child sees a sucker at the checkout stand. She starts insisting on getting one, and you say, “No.” But the toddler goes to the grocery store floor and starts to scream, and everybody starts watching her. At that time, you are thinking about whether you should teach her a lesson by ignoring what she is demanding or else buy her a sucker so that she stops crying.
Here you need to use the “connect and redirect” method. You should connect with your child and understand their feelings. Calm them down and engage their upstairs brain, which has the capability to feel emotions.
Refrain from giving lectures
It is common that when a child misbehaves, parents either scold them or give them lectures to correct their behavior. But this should not be the way to correct a child’s behavior. Kids will never understand this way. Kids only understand the language of love.
So, if parents start understanding their feelings and build a strong bond with them, it will help in making their child a better human. Refrain from giving them lectures and start finding answers to “whys” for their behavior.
Moreover, the No-Drama Discipline book gives us parenting advice that using positive connotations in a conversation with their child makes a lot of difference. Be positive and encourage them. Your child learns from you. The way you treat them, they will treat others in the same way. So, always treat them with love and care.
Stop using sentences like “Brush your teeth now, or I won’t read you any books,.” Replace them with “if you don’t brush your teeth soon, we won’t have time to read any books before bed.” In this way, the child will be motivated to brush his teeth and will feel encouraged.
Similarly, if your daughter spends more time in co-curricular activities than doing her homework. Try to ask her why she is giving more time and importance to co-curricular activities than homework and the tasks assigned by the teacher. Try not to teach her how important it is to get good grades because children don’t like to get lectured; they like to be understood.
“They need to know what our expectations are, and how we will respond if they break (or even bend) agreed-upon rules.”
― Daniel J. Siegel
Who would I recommend the No-Drama Discipline summary to?
No-Drama Discipline is recommended for strict parents who think their kids will be well-behaved only by punishing or lecturing them. Moreover, parents-to-be must read this for a better parenting guide.