Thanks For The Feedback Summary & Review

Author: Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen

Thanks For The Feedback (2014) tackles a very basic thing we face every day, yet if we become more conscious of it, our efficiency and communication can become better to a larger extent. It is about the responses or criticism we give and receives from our family, spouse, and boss. The book will teach you what kind of feedback you should welcome wholeheartedly and which ones to discard. It also sheds light on how we should respond and provide feedback to those around us.
thanks for the feedback summary

Detailed Summary of Thanks For The Feedback

In Thanks for the Feedback, Douglas Stone covers multiple aspects of feedback. He discusses how some people have a hard time accepting the feedback that is handed to them by his audience.

He also talks about how changing the way you give feedback can make and break your relationships, how to give appropriate feedback that results in improvement, and how feedback is important for self-growth.

If you are trying to grow into a better person, you need to cultivate an environment that makes taking and giving feedback comfortable. Understand that coaching. Evaluation and appreciation all work in your favor and not against you.

Our brains tend to interpret negative criticism more strongly because it thinks of negative criticism as a threat. It is our job to convert whatever is thrown our way into something that enables self-growth.

Thanks for the Feedback Summary Key Points

How are you feel when someone gives you feedback? Is feedback impacts a positive or negative effect on your mental health? Feedback is something that promptly develops and maintains your growth in relationships and careers. The following key points will shed light on the blind spots of the feedback that used for the betterment of yourself and meaningful work.

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Feedback is an Essential Part of our Lives

If you observe, you will notice that giving responses and sending feedback is integral to our daily routine. We are constantly giving and receiving feedback from morning tonight. If you know the right time and the right manner to give feedback, it can improve your work efficiency and relationships.

Getting graded tests back and discussing with your teachers, employee evaluation at the end of the month, and customer responses in business are some of the most common forms of feedback you must be familiar with. Douglas Stone does not preach to you but provides you with an honest look at why receiving feedback is hard. 

Feedback-seeking behavior will provide you with greater work satisfaction and creativity on the job. You will find yourself becoming more adaptable in both work and life.

Appreciations and Complements

When you buy a cup of coffee on your way to work and find it tastes good, you tell the waiter that today their coffee is rich and strong. You might find yourself saying something along the lines of: “Today the coffee is so good and delicious, best coffee I’ve had in ages.” This sort of feedback is known as “Appreciation.” In this type of feedback, you acknowledge the good in someone or something that can motivate them to improve.


The second form of feedback is coaching. This is where most of the growth happens. If you are a beginner at writing encouragement and pep talks, do help, but you need constant feedback about areas you need improvement in.

Talking to your instructors and taking their feedback on your written work is the coaching that will steer you in the direction of becoming a good writer. Coaching helps increase knowledge, capability, and growth or raises feelings in the relationship. It helps in polishing your talents and should be taken positively.


Evaluation helps you to understand where you stand. This includes your grades, percentages, and marks assigned to you over tests in universities and after projects in your office. It helps to align the expectations of your instructors, boss, spouses, and friends with your expectations. Evaluation will give you a true understanding of the amount of work you need to do to become a better and grown person.

Take Feedback with a Big Smile

No matter what type of feedback you may receive, think of it as a gift. Many people spend their whole lives stuck in only the first stage of growth because they are too reluctant to accept feedback. These judgments do not help us to grow. Look at the intentions of the person who is giving you feedback.

Most of the time, people respond only to what you have said or done because they want you to improve. Do not discard feedback because you think the other person is not smart or capable. In the say way. Try to become better at giving feedback. Do not hurt or humiliate the other person. Listen and understand where they are coming from before making their point.

Thanks for the Feedback Quotes

“It doesn’t matter how much authority or power a feedback giver has; the receivers are in control of what they do and don’t let in, how they make sense of what they’re hearing, and whether they choose to change. Pushing harder rarely opens the door to genuine learning.” ― Douglas Stone

“Learning about ourselves can be painful—sometimes brutally so—and the feedback is often delivered with a forehead-slapping lack of awareness for what makes people tick. It can feel less like a “gift of learning” and more like a colonoscopy.” ― Douglas Stone

Thanks for the Feedback Summary Review

As humans, we often receive feedback, whether it is good, bad, unnecessary, or callous. Douglas Stone teaches you something that can make your survival more comforting and efficient.

His humor is what keeps you turning those pages and makes the book a fun read packed with some fundamental advice. Overall, Short and Effective read! In this summary, you will find all about giving and taking feedback packed into only a few words.

To Whom I Would Recommend Thanks for the Feedback Summary:

  • To the guy in his mid-thirties trying to learn how to metabolize callous responses at work.
  • Anyone who has a hard time accepting different opinions of their spouse.
  • And to the young boy in his pre-twenties trying to let go of his ego and welcome self-growth.