“The core of parenting is the relationship you have with your child. If people were plants, the relationship would be the soil. The relationship supports, nurtures, allows growth—or inhibits it. Without a relationship they can lean on, a child’s sense of their security is compromised. You want the relationship to be a source of strength for your child—and, one day, for their children too.”
― Philippa Perry

Detailed Summary

“Children won’t form on their own like seedlings; they form in relationship with others.” -Philippa Perry

Parenting is hard. It’s one of the most important and challenging jobs anyone can ever have, and it’s one that we all experience, whether we’ve raised a child or not. You may remember when your opinion was ignored by adults, which left you feeling hurt and alone.

And as a parent, you might remember the same occurrence as a minor or a time when your child was extremely indigent or frustrated. Neither view is ineffective – they’re just showing up from different altitudes.

And that’s what makes parenting so difficult – it’s a job where we’re constantly trying to reconcile different viewpoints and find a way to make everyone happy. It’s a process that takes time, patience, and a lot of trial and error. But it’s worth it because we’re raising the next generation of adults at the end of the day. And we want them to be kind, compassionate, and understanding – just like us.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read Summary – Key Points

Being a parent, do you have read any parenting books? Parenting books help parents to develop sound and strong relationships with their children. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read shares some key parenting points.

The way we react to parenting situations is often tied to our own childhood experiences

“The core of parenting is the relationship you have with your child.”
― Philippa Perry

Parenting is hard. We all know that. But sometimes, it’s hard in ways we don’t understand. We react to situations in ways that don’t seem to make sense, and we can’t figure out why. The reason for that might be because we’re not looking at the biggest influences in our kids’ lives: ourselves.

According to Perry, the way we react to parenting situations is often tied to our childhood. If we didn’t have a good experience or our parents were never there for us, we might find it harder to be patient with our kids.

If we don’t have a good relationship with our parents, we’ll likely have a hard time being good parents ourselves. It’s not all bad news, though. If we can identify our triggers and work on changing the way we react, we can become better parents. And that’s something that all of us can do.

We need to remember that our kids are watching us, and they’re learning from us. If we want them to be good people, we must set a good example.

It will be productive if you validate your child’s feelings

“The ruptures that cause problems in our relationships with our children and their mental health are a problem only if they are not repaired.”
― Philippa Perry

It can be difficult to deal with a child’s tantrum, but validating all of their feelings is important. According to Perry, if you don’t validate your child’s feelings, they will bottle them up, and it could lead to long-term psychological problems.

If you’re having trouble dealing with a tantrum, our advice is first to acknowledge and understand your child’s feelings. Then, you can work on finding a solution that works for both of you.

If you’re angry or ignore your child when upset, you’re not doing them any favors. Instead, try to acknowledge and understand what they’re feeling. This will help them feel heard and understood, which is essential for healthy development.

By validation, we don’t mean you have to give them what they want, but acknowledging their feelings and attempting to understand what might be driving that behavior can be productive and healthy for the child. So the next time your little one has a meltdown, try to take a deep breath and stay calm. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

Encourage sound mental health in children

“Encourage them to draw how they feel or say how they feel and then accept those feelings.”
― Philippa Perry

It’s no secret that good mental health is key to overall well-being. But you may not know how we parents can play a big role in our children’s mental health. We all want what’s best for our children, and as parents, we often go to great lengths to ensure they have every opportunity to succeed. But what if we could encourage our children’s mental health by parenting how we ordinarily would?

Perry’s first tip is engaged observation in The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and your children will be glad that you did). We do this by listening with the intent to understand rather than to reply, as we so often do as parents.

We also show that we’re paying attention by making eye contact and using facial expressions to communicate that we’re interested in what our children are saying. By taking the time to understand our kids and what’s going on in their lives, we can better support them and help them maintain good mental health.

Encourage your children as much as possible and make sure that they play because it will help them learn more and more. So, try to be enthusiastic about your children’s activities.

You might like to read the book Cribsheet Book Summary for more evidence-based parenting tips.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read quotes

Being kind does not mean you don’t share your feelings when you are angry. What it does mean is explaining how you feel and why, but without blaming or insulting the other person. –Philippa Perry

You can look for things to appreciate in your partner, family members, and, indeed, in your children. Or, instead, you can scan them for their faults and mistakes. –Philippa Perry

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read Summary reviews:

“Brilliant, and I don’t think you need to have children to take something away from this book.” Carolin

“This was a good read with some very useful tips to think about for anyone who either is a parent or questions how they have been brought up, written in a compassionate and clear style.” H.A. Leuschel

To whom I would recommend The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read Summary.

• The 28-year-old mom is pregnant with her first child.
• The 37-year-old dad wants a guide to connecting better with his children.
• Anyone who has kids wants kids or works with kids.