“Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others”
― Ichiro Kishimi

Detailed Summary

The book revolves around the story of a young man who is unsatisfied with his life and insecure about himself. He met a philosopher, and he taught him how to be happy in his life. He taught him that he himself is responsible for his happiness. The young man meets the philosopher five times and learns much from him.

Through the story of an unhappy young man, the book guides us on how we can be happy in our lives. Moreover, it’s we who decide to be happy or sad. Past traumas should not affect our present.

“Three things are needed at this point: “self-acceptance,” “confidence in others,” and “contribution to others.”
― Ichiro Kishimi

The Courage to Be Disliked Summary – Key Points

Do you want to learn the fundamental principles of being happy and content? This book teaches simple yet meaningful life lessons that help you to improve your self-love and achieve true happiness.

Your past should not affect your present

“All you can do in regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in.”
― Ichiro Kishimi

In the book, the philosopher Adler guides the young man that his past traumas should not affect his present life. We can change ourselves, our personalities, and our life at any time, and it’s under our control.

‘Trauma’ is a crucial term in Freudian psychology. It claims that most of our self-image is ingrained in our psyche from a young age. As a result, negative experiences will lead to a lot of difficulties in the future. As a result, Freud argued that we spend the majority of our adult lives fighting, unraveling, and overcoming our limiting ideas from the past.

Adler disagreed with this statement. According to him, although we develop a lifestyle early on, whether it’s being an optimist or a pessimist, he doesn’t believe it is a permanent aspect of our personality. Adler maintained the notion that we have the ability to change who we are at any given time.

You might also like you read the book Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Summary.

Stop hating yourself and accept yourself

The book The Courage to Be Disliked gives us a lesson that we should accept the way we are. When we start becoming insecure about ourselves, we only create problems and eventually destroy our mental peace.

The author has mentioned the story of one of his students who started hating himself and was insecure about his weaknesses. He has compared the story of his student with the young man who was unhappy in his life. In the book, the philosopher Adler categorized insecurities into two categories, i.e., objective and subjective.

We realize some insecurities by comparing ourselves with other people, like height, complexion, money, etc. These are objective inferiorities. Whereas there are some inferiorities made up in our minds, and they destroy our mental peace. They are actually not real but created because of our overthinking and negativity. These are subjective inferiorities that should be neglected.

Subjective inferiorities become the reason for hating ourselves. Meanwhile, we should work on objective inferiorities because they try to stop us from achieving our goals.

“You are the only one who can change yourself.”
― Ichiro Kishimi

Stop comparing yourself

“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.”
― Ichiro Kishimi

The last thing that the book The Courage to Be Disliked teaches is that comparing yourself with others is the most dangerous thing to destroy your mental peace. Focus on yourself and your abilities.

Moreover, this is a hot topic in today’s arguments about Western vs. Eastern culture. Countries like Japan and China compete, but they are more focused on collaboration in general, whereas countries like the United States and Germany are more focused on particular winning types.

The problem is that if you feel that in order to be happy, you must win some game, such as collecting money, receiving likes, or having friends, you will be unhappy regardless. The losers are resentful of their defeat, whereas the winners are continually concerned about their triumph.

Adler envisioned psychology as serving a much more useful purpose: assisting mankind in becoming more courageous. You’ll never feel like someone is holding you back once you let go of a restricted, competitive perspective and embrace abundance.

Who would I recommend The Courage to Be Disliked summary to?

The book highly recommends to all adults who live in their past and think that their past controls their future. The book will motivate them to love themselves and be positive in their lives.