Author: Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga
|The Courage to be Disliked (2013) shares a story of an unhappy man who goes to a philosopher and who guides him on how happiness is in our own hands. The book teaches us a lesson that we are responsible for our own happiness and your past does not define your future.|
The book revolves around the story of a young man who is not satisfied with his life and he is insecure of himself. He met a philosopher and he teaches him how to be happy in his life. He taught him that he himself is responsible for his happiness. The young man meets the philosopher five times and he learned a lot from him.
Through the story of an unhappy young man, the book guides us on how we can be happy in our lives. Moreover, it’s us who decide to be happy or sad. The past traumas should not affect our present.
The Courage to Be Disliked Key Points
Your past should not affect your present
In the book, the philosopher Adler guides the young man that your past traumas should not affect your present life. We have the ability to change ourselves, our personality, and our life at any time and it’s under our control.
‘Trauma’ is a crucial term in Freudian psychology. It claims that the majority of our self-image is ingrained in our psyche from a young age. As a result, negative experiences will lead to a lot of difficulties in the future. As a result, Freud argued that we spend the majority of our adult lives fighting, unraveling, and overcoming our limiting ideas from the past.
Adler has disagreed with this statement. According to him, although we develop a lifestyle early on, whether it’s being an optimist or a pessimist, he didn’t believe it was a permanent aspect of our personality. Adler maintained the notion that we have the ability to change who we are at any given time.
Stop hating yourself and accept yourself
The book The Courage to Be Disliked gives us a lesson that we should accept the way we are. When we start getting insecure about ourselves, we only create problems for ourselves and eventually destroy our mental peace.
The author has mentioned the story of one of his students who started hating himself and was insecure about his weaknesses. He has compared the story of his student with the young man who was unhappy in his life. In the book, the philosopher Adler categorized the insecurities into two categories I.e objective and subjective. There are some insecurities that we realize by comparing ourselves with other people like height, complexion, money, etc. These are objective inferiorities. Whereas, there are some inferiorities made up in our minds and they destroy our mental peace. They are actually not real but created because of our overthinking and negativity. These are subjective inferiorities that should be neglected.
Subjective inferiorities become the reason for hating ourselves. Meanwhile, we should work on objective inferiorities because they try to stop us from achieving our goals.
Stop comparing yourself
The last thing that the book The Courage to Be Disliked teaches is that comparing yourself with others is the most dangerous thing to destroy your mental peace. Focus on yourself and your abilities.
Moreover, this is a hot topic in today’s arguments about Western vs. Eastern culture. Countries like Japan and China compete, but they are more focused on collaboration in general, whereas countries like the United States and Germany are more focused on particular winning types. The problem is that if you feel that in order to be happy, you must win some game, such as collecting money, receiving likes, or having friends, you will be unhappy regardless. The losers are resentful of their defeat, whereas the winners are continually concerned about their triumph.
Adler envisioned psychology as serving a much more useful purpose: assisting mankind is becoming more courageous. You’ll never feel like someone is holding you back once you let go of a restricted, competitive perspective and embrace abundance.
Who would I recommend The Courage to Be Disliked summary to?
The book is highly recommended to all adults who live in their past and think that their past controls their future. The book will motivate them to love themselves and be positive in their lives.