The Relationship Cure Summary – How to Build a Strong Relationship?

Author: John Gottman

Short Summary
The Relationship Cure (2001) offers simple, step-by-step instructions to help you change your thoughts about relationships and communication. You’ll learn how to identify what your partner wants and needs and how to communicate them effectively. In addition, The Relationship Cure teaches you how to create satisfying and fulfilling relationships on your own terms without relying on others.
the relationship cure

Detailed The Relationship Cure Summary

Relationships are one of the most important things in life. They can make or break a person and can be incredibly frustrating or rewarding. Unfortunately, many people struggle to improve their relationships.

The Relationship Cure book is designed to help you do just that. There may be a relationship cure out there, but it’s not for the faint of heart – it takes time and effort to change how we communicate with others, but the rewards are worth it. By learning the science of relationships, you’ll be able to build stronger connections with those around you – whether in your personal life or your job. 

The key to success with this type of relationship is understanding that no two relationships are the same. You must be willing to look at your relationship in a new light and see what you can do to improve it.

The first step is recognizing that you’re both struggling with different things in your relationship. No one person is perfect, and neither are you in your relationship. It’s important that you’re honest with each other about what’s wrong and what needs to change. From there, you need to set realistic goals for yourselves and work together towards them.

Communicate openly and honestly, and don’t be afraid to get angry if things aren’t going as planned. If all of this sounds too hard, then perhaps the cure isn’t for you after all. However, if you’re committed to trying it, then the rewards could be incredible. A successful relationship is definitely worth putting in the effort for.

The Relationship Cure Summary Key Points

The main key points in the book are to improve your relationship by communicating effectively, paying attention to the small things, and, lastly, creating a healthy relationship with yourself.

Relationship requires understanding and responding to partner’s bids

In order to create and maintain a close relationship with your partner, it is important to understand and use bids. Bids are how we express our needs, wants, and desires to our partners. When we make a bid, we are essentially asking our partner for something. 

Bids are the small requests we make of our partners that communicate our needs. If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, chances are you’re not making enough bids, or your partner is ignoring them.

When you bid, you ask for your partner’s attention, affection, or help. It can be as simple as looking at your partner and saying, “I need a hug” or “Can we talk about what happened earlier?” You can also make nonverbal bids, like reaching out to touch your partner or making eye contact. These nonverbal bids are often more powerful than words because they show that you’re not just thinking about yourself but also interested in your partner. 

Bids should be specific and concise so that your partner knows exactly what you need. Making too many demands or being vague will only result in frustration on both sides. If your partner ignores your bids or regularly turns them down, it can create feelings of rejection and isolation. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to listen to each other’s bids and respond positively as often as possible.

You can also read the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Summary.

How to Respond to a Request depends on what Person really wants

When considering whether to comply with a request, it is important to think about what the person may really be asking for. Often, people have ulterior motives behind their requests, which can be difficult to interpret. Sometimes, people may not even be aware of what they really want. If you’re not careful, you could give them something that doesn’t fit their needs.

We all know the feeling: someone asks us to do something, and we don’t want to do it. But we also don’t want to hurt their feelings by saying no outright. So, instead, we try to let them down easily with a response that doesn’t directly say “no.”

The problem is that these responses can often be interpreted in different ways. And, more often than not, the person asking for the favor is likely to interpret our response in the worst possible way.

So, what’s a better way to handle these types of requests? It’s always best to be direct and honest with people. If you don’t want to do something, just say so. It might not be the most comfortable conversation in the world, but it will save everyone a lot of time and headaches in the long run.

“One way to enhance your mindfulness in relationships is to become a “collector of emotional moments.”
― John M. Gottman

If you respond positively, they may take advantage of your willingness and make additional or more difficult requests. It can be challenging to read people’s intentions accurately, so be cautious in how you respond to others’ requests.

Use polite words when asking for something

“Connecting is not magic. Like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced, and mastered.”
― John M. Gottman

When we are upset, it can be easy to use harsh or aggressive language without meaning to. However, this can often worsen the situation and leave us even more frustrated. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to express your needs to someone else, try using soft language instead. This means using words that are less likely to provoke an emotional reaction from the other person.

For example, instead of saying, “You hurt my feelings,” try, “I feel hurt by what you said.” This will help the other person see that you have valid feelings that must be respected. Using clear and concise language when making your bid is also important.

This means avoiding words that might be interpreted in different ways. For example, instead of saying, “Can we talk about this later?” try, “Can we schedule a time to talk about this?” This way, there is no confusion about what you are asking for.

Finally, it’s helpful to remember that people do not mind readers. Just because you think something should be obvious doesn’t mean it is. Tell them directly if you want the other person to know what you are thinking or feeling. They will appreciate your honesty, and it will help prevent misunderstandings down the road.

The Relationship Cure Summary Review

The Relationship Cure by John Gottman is a book about how to improve your relationships with the people you care about. The book offers readers a toolbox of techniques for improving communication, managing conflict, and building closer relationships. Gottman provides readers with an in-depth look at the latest research on what makes relationships work and what doesn’t. Highly recommended.

To Whom do we Recommend The Relationship Cure Summary?

  • Anyone who is looking to improve his relationship skills.
  • Anyone who wants to better his communication with the partner.
  • Anyone who is seeking help in relationships.

About The Author

John Gottman is a world-renowned relationship expert and the author of The Relationship Cure. In his groundbreaking book, Dr. Gottman reveals what successful couples do to keep their love alive and how to overcome the obstacles that get in the way. Based on over four decades of research with more than 3,000 couples, The Relationship Cure offers a simple yet effective program for building stronger, more resilient relationships.

The Relationship Cure Summary - March 2022

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