Author: Helen Fisher
|Why We Love (2004) is a smart guide by Helen Fisher, an American anthropologist and human behavior researcher, to the world of relationships. It brings you on a journey through the science of love and attraction, starting with the biology and neurology of it all.|
Detailed Summary of Why We Love
In a world where information is so readily available, it is a mystery why love and relationships are still taboo. It should come as no surprise, then, that for all the self-help books we have read about cultivating happiness, there is almost nothing out there about love. That’s why we’re so glad that the romance genre is getting more widespread acceptance.
Why do we never learn anything about love in school or college? We barely read love books – and if we do, why is it so hard to find a decent one among the dozens of “how to get your ex-boyfriend back” titles?
Why don’t we have enough people teaching us how to love others? Why don’t we have enough people teaching us how to love ourselves? But would you believe there are more than 8000 books about love on Amazon? Does it seem like a lot? It is because more than half of them are self-help books.
You can check out another book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Summar, for self-awareness.
Why We Love Key Summary Points
How does one learn about love and relationships? Where do people go for information about love? What do you do if you want a book to teach you about love but want to read it in less than 15 hours? Then this book is for you!
Read the following main tenets to learn the love system.
Love is a combination of three Hormones
New love is a potent combination of chemicals for the brain, and once love has been established, these special chemicals can be used to control it. Yes, you read it right.
Recent decades have seen a revolution in our understanding of love at the most basic level. What it is, how it works, and where it comes from. Recent decades have seen a revolution in our understanding of love at the most basic level. What it is, how it works, and where it comes from.
The book talks about how love is a combination of three hormones. Hormones are released when we are interested in the object in the environment. This can be anything because of its look, shape, or size. When we love someone or something, it’s because of our released hormones.
Dopamine: It increases the desire to act. It’s released when you look at an object you want or desire. For example, you like chocolate and see a chocolate cake in the supermarket. You will start craving chocolate. The same happens when you see someone you like.
Serotine: It increases concentration and focuses on the object. It’s released when you look at an object and want it. For example, when you look at a piece of chocolate cake, you will only think about it, not about other things. It reduces ambiguity.
Norepinephrine: It takes control of all other hormones as its release makes us go towards the object with a high focus and a concentrated state of mind. The same reaction happens when we love someone.
We can’t eat, sleep, or think about anything else except that person, even though this person has some bad qualities. If someone doesn’t love us back, our level of Norepinephrine drops, and we fall apart, even though this person has some good qualities.
We all are attracted to someone who is visually symmetrical and different from us
When it comes to attraction, are we all just a little bit racist? When we look at both men and women, the part of them that is more attractive to us than other things is the difference in their physical appearance.
This difference can be in their face or body, but one kind of person all of us see as attractive—irrespective of gender—is a person that is different from us. Another kind of attractiveness is proportion, especially similarity.
The more similar we are to someone, the more attractive they become. This is because sharing in common with someone means better understanding their behavior and thoughts. This category is as simple as we want things that are familiar to us.
That’s a question that’s been raised by several different researchers. But it also introduces a twist. The new research shows that people are attracted to others who share the same physical similarities and are drawn to people who look ‘new.’ The study asked participants to look at photographs of members of the opposite gender and judge their attractiveness
The findings were that those who were most rated as ‘attractive’ by participants were those who had similar facial traits, with one exception: those who stood out. The best-rated photos were those with what the researchers describe as “exaggerated features.”
You can Find your Ideal Partner based on your Love Map
Each set of love map characteristics can lead you to different partners. Like most people, you probably have a mental picture of the sort of person you’d like to fall in love with. Your love map may be realistic (e.g., tall, dark, handsome). It may be specific (blue eyes, brown hair, Roman nose). Or it may be intangible (kind, communicative, sensitive).
For example, if you like short and non-intellectual men, you may want to look for a 5’9″ man who is ambitious yet appreciates art. However, if you prefer tall and intellectual men, then a 6’5″ man with a relaxed personality who is not motivated by money could be your ideal partner.
So how do we figure out what we like? Our choices are based on our innate preferences and family conditioning from birth to early adulthood. For example, if your mother loved kids with curly hair, you’re more likely to share her preference for curly-haired kids than someone who didn’t grow up around curly-haired people.
The longer we live and the more experiences we have, the more diverse our love map becomes. If you’re like most people, you have certain preferences for your potential partners.
Why We Love Book Summary Quotes
“Falling in love was not a choice; it just struck me.” Helen Fisher
“Some psychiatrists believe that exercise (aerobic or anaerobic) can be as effective in healing depression as psychotherapy or antidepressant drugs.14” Helen Fisher
Why We Love Book Summary Review
This book educates you and gives you knowledge about what is taboo in society, “Love,” but if you read this book, it may leave an impact on you. Simple yet concise. Liked the way and writing style of the author.
To whom would I recommend the Why We Love summary?
- A teenager wants to know about love hormones.
- Anyone wants to expand their knowledge on this topic.